The Day I Sent Out the Old

This blog has been about my personal mission and journey to improve myself as a parent.  I have read books (one I never finished and didn't mention because it was, well, lame), I have watched good and bad  not-for-me examples of parenting, I have talked with friends and received advise.  I have enjoyed my little stint here these last few months, but as I enter a new year, I am throwing out the old and welcoming in the new with a new focus and a new drive.

This year I want to do what I saw recommended on a website.  Each day a lady took a picture of something she was grateful for and wrote a short journal entry.  That is what I wish to do now.  We'll see if I can keep it up.  Who knows.  But I wish to have a similar experience as she did.  She said that only 10 days in to her gratitude experiment she realized that there were amazing things she would have missed if she hadn't thought to be looking for things.  This helped her feel like a better wife.  My hope is that I not only feel like a better and more appreciative wife, but a better mother as well.

So, here's to new resolutions.

Here's to new plans.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Made It to 16

Mr. and I appear to most people as complete and total opposites.  And, you may, in this case, judge a book by the cover.  I don't know why it works or even how it works, but it's worked for 16 years, so something must be right about our opposites.

We've had some pretty rough times in those 16 years, the roughest and toughest was not living at my in-laws while we finished school, Mr. surviving a catastrophic car crash, or my temper (ongoing), but my inability to conceive like 93-97% of all other women.  I guess that saying about things not killing you making you stronger really held true in our marriage.

We are not a perfect couple.  We are not perfect parents.  But we can admit both facts about ourselves and each other.  We can maturely discuss how we can become better and, for the most part, we try to make those improvements.  We have a common sense to parenting in that if Daddy says no, so does Mommy.  It is behind closed doors that we challenge the action if one feels that is was not right or fair.

I guess that you could say that although we are night and day, we have each other's backs.  And if we can stick with that, I'm sure we can make it another 16.

So, here's to consistency.

Here's to love.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Had a Clean Pew

Mr. and I took separate cars to church today because he (for once) had an early morning meeting and I didn't (wooohooooo!).  It was pouring when the boys and I arrived so we quickly left the car and ran into the building leaving the boy's "church bags" in the car.

I thought about it for a split second and within that same split second I thought, "let's see how they do."

They did great!

I know when I grew up we had paper, pencil, the Friend, and maybe a book or two.  As I look around our chapel each Sunday I see dolls, cars, food, crafts, TABLETS! (don't get me started), and other things in addition to the lone and unused paper, pencil, Friend, and book(s).

I realize each family has their own method to keeping their children quiet and I'm fine with that (except playing games on the tablets - come one people!, oh, wait, I'm not getting started on that......ahem), and I also realize that too often I'm entertaining my children during sacrament meeting instead of teaching them how to listen and think about the talks and the sacrament itself.

I think we might "accidentally" leave the church bags in the car again next week.  Today might have been a fluke, but, then again, it might not have been.

So, here's to greater respect for the chapel.

Here's to greater reverence.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Regretted Vegging

Sure, it feels good while you're doing it, but when you have to clean up the next day....not so much.  I don't regret yesterday, but I just need to remind myself that that work plus more will be waiting the me, and not grumble along the way.

So, here's to vegging in moderation.

Here's to making up for lost time.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Vegged

What did I do today?  Absolutely nothing! (but the essentials).  Our suitcase is still packed, our kitchen is still littered with the aftermath of Christmas, we pretty much stayed in our pj's all day.  And do you know what?  I didn't care.

Sometimes it's nice to just lounge with the boys after a busy couple of days.  Everyone was fed, everyone played with their new Christmas gifts, and everyone took a nap.  Oh, wait, just No.2 :)

So, here's to taking it easy.

Here's to chill-azin'.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Received a Part of Omi

Our dear Omi passed away a couple weeks ago.  She was one crazy but pretty awesome German grandmother.  She was Mr.'s last living grandparent.  Opi passed in August (leukemia), and now Omi has joined him in the Spirit World  (Mr. jokes that he's sure Omi will make it, but he's not too sure about Opi.)

Today, my mother-in-law pulled out some of Omi's jewelry she got when she and my father-in-law went out to UT for Opi's funeral.  MIL had each of her 4 daughters (2 biological, 2 marriage) pick 2 items of jewelry to have for their own.

Because I'm married to the oldest son and not a biological child, I chose 3rd.  Omi wore some pretty, but "old lady" jewelry, but there was one ring that I would wear.  So, I chose that.  It is beautiful (needs a deep, deep cleaning and resizing - Omi was 5-foot nothing, if that) and I feel blessed to have a piece of her.  I had to tend to No.2, so Mr. chose some earrings on round 2 for me.  They are pretty and maybe one day I'll be able to pass them on to one of my daughters.

It's not important that this jewelry is expensive or even nice, although they are.  It is important that we keep memories and special things of our ancestors and continue to make family ties.

So, here's to keeping memories.

Here's to Omi.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Nearly Missed Christmas

Today is Christmas, and, no, I didn't really miss it, but I did miss the spirit of this blessed holiday, and there's no one to blame but myself.

We traveled to Mr.'s parents yesterday so we could spend Christmas day with all Mr.'s family for one final Christmas in the house they all grew up in.  I'm glad we were able to be together.  It was nice to watch everyone open gifts (especially No.2's Rescue Station and No.1's tablet), but it wasn't until the prayer at dinner when the giver of grace mentioned Christ that I realized that I had not stopped to think about or discuss with my children the key player:  Jesus Christ.

I felt guilty for being so wrapped up in the gift giving and receiving and not focusing on Christ.  That is where the focus should always be 365 days of the year, but I had failed on one of the most important days.

So, here's to focusing on what really matters.

Here's to loving Christ more than a dehydrator (thanks Nana).

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Pictured it Going Perfectly

So, the boys woke up at different times this morning.  No.1 was anxious to go downstairs and open gifts, but I had him wait until after our traditional apple fritter's Christmas breakfast.  And by the time that was done and cleaned-up, No.1 had calmed down a bit and we were ready to go to the basement.

No.1 asked Santa for a red bike that is big enough for him but bigger than the bike he has now with back pedal breaks.  Well, guess what?  Santa found one a Walmart a few weeks ago and stored it at a friends house the put it by the tree last night.  No.1 was rather impressed.

No.2 came down the stairs saying "Mehwee Kissmas" over and over.  It was adorable.  He saw his new balance bike and then glanced around the room and saw the train table!  "Oh!  Dats Cool!" and he ran right over and began to play.  It took several tries to get him to come back to the tree to open gifts.

So far, so good.

Mr. handed out gifts and both children opened theirs one at a time.  Thank yous were exchanged, hugs and kisses given, wrapping paper tossed.  Then it was time for what I thought was the coolest gift for No.1.  I had been searching for just the right Minecraft t-shirt for months and finally scored one (two, really, as I ordered S and M just in case) on Cyber Monday.  It is not your typical Creeper or Minecraft man shirt.  It's a silhouette of a boys head and inside the brain area are Minecraft blocks.  So, unless you know Minecraft, you won't get the shirt.  No.1 had been so excited to get a DC Minecraft shirt the last time we were up there (just a cheap tourist shirt), so I thought this was a perfect gift.  I threw in a couple pairs of pants, too, just because he needs them.

I handed No.1 the box.  Immediately his face fell.  "I know what this is," he mumbled.  "It's clothes."  Dejectedly he opened the package, saw the pants and folded shirt (you could not see the image) and tossed the box to the side.  It was like I had offended him or something.

I was upset.  No, I was mad that my child could be so rude and not show any gratitude for this gift and that he didn't even look at the shirt.  Maybe his reaction wasn't that severe, maybe it was just the Clomid (it really screws with my hormones), but, for me, my perfect Christmas morning was ruined.  Nothing else mattered.  I had an ingrate for a child.

Then, as steam was spewing forth from my ears, Mr., seeing (and hearing) my disappointment in my son's actions, unfolded the shirt and showed it to No.1.  It was then that No.1 changed his views on clothing as a gift.  His face lit up, he apologized for his behavior, and he thanked me for the shirt (the pants, well, I'm sure that's another matter). 

With my perfect Christmas morning restored, I still couldn't help but think about why my child had acted so poorly.  Have I overindulged him over his 7 short years of life?  Have I failed to show gratitude for even the little things?  I'm not sure what the answer is (Mr. says it's just because he's 7 - that might be it), but I want to figure out some ways to teach my boys gratitude so that even socks will bring forth a hearty "thank you!"

So, here's to blessed, dear 7-year olds.

Here's to the perfect gift (well received or not).

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Prepped

Tomorrow will be our families Christmas.  I am so excited about some of the gifts we got the boys and am anxious to see their faces when they see them.

After the boys were put to bed, Mr. and I stayed up a few more hours just to make sure they were truly sound asleep then we sneaked down to the basement and started preparing for the morning.

I set up the train table, Mr. set up the bikes.  I placed gifts under the tree, Mr. sorted gifts.  We looked at the piles and thought about the thrill tomorrow morning will bring.

So, here's to a Merry Christmas.

Here's to gratitude.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Called and Called and Called

Today is my mom's birthday.  She's a pretty awesome lady.  I called in the morning to wish her a happy birthday.  No answer.  So I tried her cell later on.  No answer.  Finally, I tried her home line again this afternoon.  No answer.  So the boys and I sang "Happy Birthday" to her onto her answering machine.  That'd have to do.

The boys and I made a cd for her.  I played and sang "O, that I were and Angel" (the verse she read when she finally prayed about the truthfulness of the gospel), and put two other songs on that I played, then No.1 played one of his piano numbers, then No.2 played the piano.  I hope she likes it.  A lot of heart went into it.

I am grateful for my mom and her example of living the gospel.  We all have our issues (you may remember from my first post I said I got my temper from her), but when the good outweigh the bad so much, you really see the forest and not just the trees.

So, here's to a Happy Birthday, Mom!

Here's to teaching the importance of a heart-felt gift.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I was Inventive

Sometimes I get these great ideas and think they'll only take a little time to complete then three hours later I'm finally finished.  This morning was one of those times.

Truthfully, I've been thinking about this idea for quite some time, but decided today was the day.  My morning was free, the kitchen was clean, laundry was running, it was time.

I had this idea to make a sling thing for my tablet that would be secured between the driver and passenger seats so the boys could watch movies on long trips.  We use to have a portable DVD player for the car, but No.1 accidentally let the cord hang out of his door one day while driving into town and, well, there was just no fixing it.

Anyway.

I grabbed some plastic table cloth stuff I have stored in a closet, 2 scraps of fabric, some straps I'd cut off something a while ago, Velcro, the iron, and my sewing machine and went to town.

I am thrilled with how well it turned out and I finished just in time to make lunches.

I'm sure the boys will enjoy it on our next trip to see Nana and Papa.  It'll be another option to fighting over cars and coloring books.

So, here's to variety.

Here's to seeing visions through.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.




ps.  We went to Chefs tonight.  Success!

The Day I Couldn't Go

Well, really, it was the day none of us could go.

No.1 had a fun day at school wearing pj's and watching The Grinch (oh, they had a few lessons here and there, too :) ).  After school, because we got home later than usual after dropping off teacher gifts, he pretty much had just a few minutes to play then it was off to karate.

I had planned with Mr. that he and No.2 would pick No.1 and I up from karate and we would go out to "Chef's" (that's what No.1 calls Japanese Steakhouses).  Mr. was also suppose to bring the gifts for the karate instructors.

Class ended and no Mr.

I called.

He said he was trying to print off a coupon, but the printer wasn't working.

That's because there was no yellow ink.

I told him to just come.

I got a printed coupon from the front desk at karate.

Mr. shows  up.

No gifts.

I run home and get them myself.

No.1 delivers gifts.

We head out to town.

5-minutes down the road, Mr. says he doesn't have his wallet.

I don't have my purse (No.1 rode his bike, I walked to karate).

That's it.

We don't go.

It was stressful and late and we were not in the best moods anyway due to the confusion after karate, so we called it.

Probably for the best, too, because we want No.1's birthday dinner out to be great and memorable.

So, here's to calling it when it needs to be called.

Here's to better tomorrows.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Became a Mother of a 7-Year Old

Where has the time gone.  No.1 turned 7 today!  Seven seems like such a big boy number, but when I watch my son, I still see his as little.  He is so fun to be around and talk to.  I hope that our communication stays this great through the teen years and beyond.  He says silly things and acts crazy at times, but he keeps us laughing.  Of course, there are those times when he really knows how to push buttons (that's the gifted brain working there) and it's hard to be patient (and I'm not always), but he always is forgiving of our (my) flaws and shortcomings.

I love this little man so much it makes my heart ache.  When he came into my life, I finally felt what it feels like to know you'd do anything for someone, at any risk.  He is my heart.

So, here's to a great year, No.1 son.

Here's to a fantastic birthday.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Saw

No.1 is not a perfect child and that's ok because he doesn't have a perfect mom, but he's pretty close to being a perfect brother.

Today I saw what a great brother he is.  (Not that this is the first time, but I want to document it this time.)

No.1 has a class Christmas party tomorrow (his birthday), and we are in charge of bringing fruit.  I didn't want to bring just plain apples and grapes, so I thought seasonally and decided to do dehydrated fruit.  I'll get most of it from my current supply, but I wanted to make jello apples and thought No.1 would be a perfect helper.

I was right.  He loved using the apple pealer-corer-slicer thing and was excited to dip the apples in dry jello.  No.2 wanted in on the fun and climbed up on the bar stool.  I was afraid No.1 would tell him no, that he was too little, but instead No.1 gave No.2 a slice of apple and showed him what to do.  It was perfect.

They worked in tandem until the apples were done and it was time to get ready for karate.

I love watching my boys work together.  No.1 is so patient.  So much more patient than me.  I don't know that I deserve him.  I can't imagine that he deserves me.  But I'm not complaining.  I love that boy and his brother, too.

So, here's to watching.

Here's to love in action.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Compared

We, No.2 and I, had a play date today.  At this play date was the lady from whom I found out about that webinar.  We were able to just chat and discuss our opinions (which pretty much matched) and compared notes about the program and general parenting in, well, general.  I was nice to talk parenting with someone who's been there, done that (even though her oldest is younger than mine).  It's nice to know someone else who is constantly trying to do better.

I think I need to have more discussions like those.

So, here's to peer support.

Here's to good friends.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Could Have Slept All Day

All I can say about today is that it was exhausting.  I wanted to sleep, to take a nap so bad, but I knew it would mess up my schedule and, besides, I had things to do.  Last weekend was just go-go-go-go and I think I'm just DONE.

Still, I was a pretty good mom today.  I managed to play with No.2 and read books, get housework done, help No.1 with homework, play War with No.1 (hate that game), make dinner (left over deli meat into French Dip - genius), and get two happy kids to bed on time.

Now, I get to go to sleep.

So, here's to recovery.

Here's to shut eye.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was Disrespected

I have an issue with children not fessing up.  I get it.  No one wants to get in trouble.  I didn't either when I was a kid.  If only children could understand that it's not about the item broken or whatever, it's that they have enough respect for it's owner that they tell them what happened.

Today was our Advent.  We had, wait let me count them.......49 people in our basement singing carols and waiting to be fed.  The kitchen was set.  Everything was ready to go.  When the singing was over, they all came up and charged the kitchen with full force.  (By the way, so much left over meat!  I told Mr. we had enough to begin with!)  The kids pretty much ate on the kitchen floor and the adults carried conversations and plates around the first floor and basement.

After a while, some kids went out onto the porch to play, but by 8, everyone was on their way home.

As one of our guest left out of the front door, he asked, "What happened to the bike."

I looked down and No.2's balance bike that Mr. and I spent hours and about $15 creating from a $2 used bike was lying on its side, the wheel completely free of any spokes.  It's not replaceable.

We asked a few of the cousins who were outside playing if they new what had happened.  One said he saw 2 girls ram it over and over again with the tricycle.

Now, it's just a bike.  It's not important.  Although No.2 loved it and Mr. and I were proud of our hard work, it's still a bike.  What is important is that when a child damages something, first, they should stop, and second, they need to tell an adult what happened.

The cousin didn't know the girls name, but through descriptions was able to identify one.  Mr. called her dad.  She said she didn't do it and blamed it on the cousin who ratted on her.  I don't know who to believe, and I probably will never know the truth, and that is bothersome.

I wonder if my children are the same way.  I'd like to think that I've taught them to be honest and to respect other people and their things.  I know there have been some times when No.1 has done something wrong and when confronted he tells the truth (I realize kids are not going to volunteer info), but this case tonight just seemed to have been done without conscience.  It's truly troubling.

I'll have to get over this.  Still, I told Mr. I was never hosting anything again (things were broken last year, too, without ever knowing what happened and who did it).  I know the guest I invited are not responsible because their children were never outside, so it must have been someone who belongs to our Advent group.  Makes me sick......and just sad.  Now I can't trust.  Now when children are over, I'll have to lock everything up.  My home will be like an old person's home.  No fun for kids.

But you know what they say:  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.

So, here's to no more shame.

Here's to letting things go.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Cried

We had a pretty successful cookie exchange this morning at my counselors home.  Her mom is visiting and taught us how to make lotion, then we exchanged cookies and went home.  I had an entire tray of assorted cookies for Advent tomorrow.  Score!

No.1's party was awesome!  He wanted to rent the gym (an old elementary school gymnasium where the county P&R practices gymnastics).  It's supper cheap and requires no set-up or take-down, so I booked it in September.  The guest arrived and the kids played until they were red in the face.  We sang "Happy Birthday" and No.1 blew out his candles atop his doughnut pyramid.  They ate doughnuts, Funyons, trail mix, and pretzels and guzzled water.  They played a bit more then gifts were opened, goodie bags handed out, then everyone went home.  Easy 2 hours.

It was pouring when we left the gym.  No.2 soaked his socks and pants in a huge puddle.  But we managed to get to the car with out melting.  My husband was concerned that we wouldn't have enough meat for the deli sandwiches tomorrow, and I needed just a couple more things for the Advent event, so we headed out to Walmart.

No.2 crashed before we hit the main road (nap time is 1-ish, it was now 4:30) so I debated sending my husband into the store alone or not.  It was decided that we would all go in as a family.  We parked the car.  I grabbed No.1 and carried him, running, into the store (remember the rain?) and Daddy gently carried No.2.

My husband went to the deli counter while I shook off the umbrella he had been carrying.  As No.1 and I walked into the store, he noticed the Salvation Army's Angel Tree.  No.1 asked what it was.

"It a paper that gives you the name of a little girl or boy who won't get any Christmas presents unless someone chooses their angel and buys some for them."

"Which one can we get."

Oh my goodness.  The innocence.  The genuine concern that another child wouldn't get any gifts.  The heart that my little man just demonstrated created a huge lump in my throat and I had to breathe deep and say, "Which ever one you want."

As we walked over to join my husband at the deli counter, I blinked back tears that continued to form.  We did our last minute shopping and I sent the Mr. to the front; we'd meet him there.  No.1 and I dashed around the store.

"What does it say she want's?" he asked.

"Hello Kitty, coloring books, and Baby Alive."

"I know!" he exclaimed, "let's get her a Hello Kitty coloring book!"

We found one.

We also found a cute Hello Kitty pj set and summer dress (for summer, of course) and a Baby Alive doll with accessories.

The two of us ran up to the front.  Mr. was already checking out and was just finished with his last item when we added ours for the little (I use the word little lightly as she is a 4yo who wears 6-7 clothes!) girl.

I am so grateful I am in the position to be able to allow No.1 to choose a name off the Angel Tree.  What a blessing it is to have a charitable son.  I hope that the little girl has a fantastic Christmas morning!

So, here's to angels (on the tree and at home).

Here's to compassion.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Started Going Crazy

This weekend is going to be so busy for my family (read: me) that I've just given into the fact that by the end of it all I'm going to need to be admitted.

Today was our recital thingy.  My students ate some snacks, played some songs, and decorated some ornaments (salt dough is so awesome!).  I am really proud of how No.1 performed.  I can tell he's a little nervous, but he trudges on.  It's so cute!

Tomorrow morning is a cookie exchange.  Tomorrow after noon is No.1's birthday party (real birthday not until next week).  Then tomorrow night is our ward Christmas Party.  THEN, Sunday is our night to host Advent!

I have everything organized and ready to go, but, still, it's soo much in sooo little time.  Of course, I planned it this way, otherwise I'd have something every weekend in December, and I just didn't want that.

So, here's to temporary insanity.

Here's to trying to smile through it.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Pushed

Tomorrow is my piano recital thing.  It's not really a recital in that it is not formal, the students are using music, it's at my house, there really isn't a program, but it's more of a "look what I've been working on" get together.  Besides, not all my students could come (there will only be 3).

So, anyway, today while No.1 was practicing he really wasn't putting forth his best effort and I worried that he wouldn't have a number to present.  I asked him if he wanted to play a song he passed off a couple months ago.  He wasn't quite sure and wanted to still do one of his current songs, but after a while he agreed.

I'm glad I pushed for "Andy the Android" for 2 reasons:  #1) it's a song none of the others have heard before, and #2) it's a duet.

I love playing duets it No.1.  He has a very good sense of rhythm and understands the importance of counting.  But it's not just his piano skills that makes me love playing with him - I love sharing one of my loves with my son and seeing him enjoying it as well.

No.1 does not always love practicing, but when he gets a song down, he has a lot of fun playing it (over and over and over and over again - if I never hear "Yankee Doodle" again in my entire life, it'll be too soon).

So, here's to passing on loves (and talents) to my boys.

Here's to being by their side.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Attended a Webinar

I have never attended/participated/viewed (whatever you call it) a webinar, so I had no idea what to expect.  I logged in a few minutes before it was to begin and it was pretty easy peesy from there.

The program was presented by Positive Parenting Solutions and the speaker, Amy, covered one of the many points she teaches in her online training.  Tonight's topic:  Get Kids to Listen without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling.

At first I was not sure I wanted to sit for an hour and listen to stuff I already knew (kids want attention and power - yep, they want to feel like they have control - got it, punishment is not discipline - knew that), but then Amy started to get into a bit more detail.

She explained what makes a consequence effective:  The 5 R's
 - Respectful:  if you can't deal with the problem in a respectful way right then, tell the child you will address it later, walk away, collect yourself, them come back when you can deal with it calmly and respectfully
 - Relative:  "the punishment must fit the crime" so to speak; if the child refuses to wear a helmet, then no bike, not no video games
 - Reasonable:  a small child who throws puzzle pieces should have the puzzle picked up and put away for the day, but a teen who texts at the table should lose cell privileges for a week
 - Reveal:  reveal the consequence in advance so the child had the opportunity to make a choice (giving them power and control)
 - Repeat:  the child should repeat the rule to you, that way you know they know

All of that stuff is pretty common sense and we pretty much do it with No.1 and 2, but it's this next part that I really took home.

If there is an issue, then during a calm time of the day when everyone is in a good mood and no one is flustered, gather everyone together and follow the following script:

 - State the Concern or Problem:  I've noticed we've been having an issue with ______.  It seems like when I ask you to _________, you ___________
 - State the Expected Behavior:  In the future, I expect that ____________.  I'll give you a warning, a heads-up, but it's up to you to make the choice
 - Reveal the Consequences:  I'm sure we won't have an issue with this, but, should you choose to break the rule ___________
 - Ask the Child to Repeat:  Just so we're on the same page, please tell me what our agreement is.

Now, if the child chooses to ignore or disobey the rule, you can simply say something like:  I see you chose to lose your video privileges.  I have confidence you'll make a better choice next time.  This allows the child to learn and save face at the same time.

The second thing I really got out of this webinar was to never "piggyback".  Pickybacking is when you say, "I told you you were going to lose privileges, but you chose to disobey, so don't get mad at me - it was your choice."  When she said that, I could just see myself saying that to my child so many times it's not funny.  I get it.  No more piggybacking.

So, here's to new discipline.

Here's to being anti-piggyback.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Signed Up

My friend posted a link for another friend on facebook about a webinar tomorrow on parenting.  I'm "attending."  Well see how it goes.

So, here's to lectures.

Here's to learning.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Did It Again

You know when you have a bag of Oreo's and you think, "Oh, I'll just have a couple" then 10 "couples" later you're left with an empty Oreo tray, yet the entire time you took just a couple more you thought in your mind, "I really shouldn't be doing this; it's not good for me" but you ignore it because you're not unhealthy (and you're dipping them in healthy milk) and it's fine to indulge from time to time and then you look at that empty bag and feel the sore ridges in your tongue from too many cookies and you wonder if it was all worth it?

Well, that was me.  today.  The sad thing is that it wasn't just the Oreo's.  I stayed up until 2am last night!  What was I thinking.  I was making bow ties for the boys.  I just couldn't find a good stopping point.  And, like that crazy bunny, I just kept going.

However, unlike that crazy bunny, I actually am a human mother with little bunnies to care for the next day.  I did pretty well, though.  I knew I wouldn't have the patience for piano, so we did theory.  I knew I'd need some quiet time (luckily the Mister was home from work - it was a snow day, minus the snow), so I hid in the basement for a bit and crocheted.  I knew I would probably not make dinner and, luckily, we went out to eat after family pictures (bow ties!).

So, here's to preemptive strikes.

Here's to knowing limits.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.





ps:  I went to the chiropractor today.  Feeling really good!  Almost no pain.

The Day I Didn't Go to Church

Our bishop decided due to pending weather we should cancel church.  Personally I think he wanted a day off, ha-ha (the weather was not bad).  But because church was canceled, I had to stop a thought in it's tracks.

No.1, upon hearing that church was canceled got bright eyes.  I quickly looked at him and told him it was weather related and that it wasn't normal to cancel church and that it wasn't an option on ordinary days.

One of my greatest fears is that my children will fall away from the gospel.  I pray that they gain a strong testimony of its truths and live them daily.  It's a hard thing to do when cousins cut out after sacrament meeting or don't attend at all. 

No.1 questions why his cousins aren't at church.  I use to make up excuses because I wanted him to still see them as examples, but now I just tell him the core of it all:  everyone has choices to make and they don't always choose to come to church; we choose to attend and it makes us happy.

I hear stories of parents whose children rebel around the teen years, have sons and daughters who question things and falter, but I have never experienced it.  I have known from a very early age that this gospel brings happiness and joy and peace and it is real and that I wouldn't have it any other way.  It's not like my parents were all "you WILL go to church" and "you WILL read the scriptures", it was just something I've always wanted to do.

I guess all I can do it show my boys the joy that I receive from living the commandments, from repentance, and from knowing the gospel is true, that we have a Savior, that we are an eternal family.

So, here's to good examples.

Here's to blessed testimony.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Answered a Question

Today was SantaLand in town.  The Women's Club in town hosts a little shop where children can come in and shop for little second hand trinkets, meet Santa, color a picture, hear a story, eat a bake-sale treat, and other things.  The lady running the Red Cross blood drive yesterday told me about it and offered me her tickets (she's a member of the club and has to buy 10 tickets - she didn't have 10 people to give them to).

So, I took the boys.  No.2 was not a big Santa fan last year, so I didn't push the issue and we never saw Santa, but they listened to the "Snow Queen" monotonely read The Night Before Christmas and colored some pages.

On our way out I ran into an acquaintance from karate.  She looked at me with a bit of a worried brow and asked how I was doing.  I smiled and said, "I'm terrible.  I'm absolutely terrible."

That is not a typical response.  But I had a purpose in actually answering her question honestly.

This woman works at a chiropractic place in town and I have been having sever burning and shooting pain in my back.  So much so that a couple mornings ago I reached over to my bedside table while lying on my bed and instantly was in tears.  I couldn't even talk.  Luckily, the pain is sporadic and I pretty much know what might set it off (it was pretty scary the other day when I was driving and for about 2 seconds froze up while driving 45mph).  So, I told my friend I was in terrible pain to which she said with a nod, "No wonder you're walking that way."  I asked if she still worked at the office.  She is.  And she suggested I give them a call.

I'm so glad she listened to my answer and helped me out.

I've come to a realization in my life, that if I don't want to or have time to hear the full and honest truth, I just avoid the question.  I've also realized that when I do ask, I need to mean it and be ready to be that listening ear that someone might need.  I want my sons to see that this "How are you - fine" conversation is not, in truth, a conversation.  I want them to learn how to be a good listener, to be helpful, to be a friend.

So, here's to listening.

Here's to answering.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Gave of Myself

I have no issues with needles.

I get pricked aver month-and-a-half or so for TSH levels.  I use to give myself injections for infertility.  I've hosted several blood drives.

Earlier this week the Red Cross telephoned and I said yes.

So, today, I took No.2 and, through pouring rain, made my way to the citizen center to give away some of my red blood cells.

I am so grateful I am healthy and can donate.  I will always donate when I can.  You just never know when someone in your family might need blood.  We can't all be takers.

I am glad No.2 saw me do this.  He might not remember this particular blood drive, but there will be others.  I hope that he, and No.1, will be willing to serve their community in this way and others one day.

So, here's to service.

Here's to giving life.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was Hooked

I have a crazy mindset sometimes:  I solely focus on one task and go hog-wild until it's done.  I guess it's a good thing when it involves positive things like cleaning the house or helping a friend or something.  But today I was focused on crocheting dishcloths.

I'm give away a lot of dishcloths for gifts this Christmas.  I started making them for my counselors and secretary in Relief Society.  So, I pretty much just sat for about 5 hours today crocheting 3 cloths.  I paused to make No.2 lunch and periodically attach train tracks together, but he pretty much was on his own playing (happily, thankfully) around me as I hooked yarn together.

This drive is not always a good thing.  I know that playing trains with No.2 is more important than a dishrag, I know that reading to No.1 is more important than folding laundry.  I just don't know how to stop sometimes.  I can see an end and so I power through.

I suppose it's good for the boys to see the work that is required to complete a task, and I do hope they will learn that for themselves and take pride in their accomplishments, but I don't want to be remembered as the mom who was always doing.  I need to make my life more rounded.  A time and season for everything.  Right?  I can play trains and crochet later.  I can stop cleaning to read a little story.  I hope that while my sons see me as a mom who gets the job done, that they will also see a mom who cares about their feelings and their time.

So, here's to finding ballance.

Here's to finding time.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Made Snow

I picked up No.1 from school to take him and No.2 to Daddy's work "party" (in quotations because it's really just a bunch of computer geeks eating potluck in theater seating -  whoo-hoo).  Then, when I dropped him back off, his teacher was trying to make an igloo around her door.  She was so excited to see me and asked for my help.  The students were in art, so No.1 went to join them and the teacher and I had our own art class in the hall.  Well, really, I was in the hall and she went into her room to get some work done.

I am so glad I was able to help the teacher out.  I was never a regular ed. teacher (I taught chorus and drama), but even in my position I wished I had parents come in a help more often, especially around crunch time for concerts and productions.  And I was always so grateful for the days I actually did have parent help.

Now that I am an at-home-mom, I have the time to help.  I go in each Monday to help out in the classroom, and this week into next I'll be helping out at the book fair, and then there's days like today when I can just spontaneously make snow in the hall.

So, here's to paying it forward.

Here's to volunteering.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Played

You'd think that with a music degree and teaxhing piano I sit down and play the piano all the time.

nope.

I'm sort of ashamed to admit that, but I can't exactly lie about it.

But today, I played.

I played "O Little Towm of Bethlehem" and it was lovely.

I really do enjoy playing and I hope my boys can see more of that.

I remember listening to my mom play piano at night.  Maybe my boys will have that same memory (honestly, that's hard to create now because No.2 is really hard to keep in bed, but one day...).

So, here's to renewing old loves.

Here's to playing for fun.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Made a Promise

Last year we started a tradition: the 1st FHE of December we present gifts to Christ.  We write our gift down on a notecard, fold it in half, and put all of them in a little gold box with a bow.  The box rests in our tree until we open it Christmas Eve and see if we actually gave our gift.

I think my gift last year was patience.  I'd say I succeeded only about 50% of the time.

This year I'm determined to succeed and I'm ready to do it Wednesday.

My gift this year is to give my friend, Sonya, a Book of Mormon.  She's from Bulgaria and I've had a Bulgarian BOM on my shelf for months.  It's time I gave it to her.  I'm not exactly sure what I'll say, but I know I'll give it to her when she comes to pick her daughter up from piano lessons.

So, here's to courage.

Here's to being an example to my boys.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Learned from My Lesson

I taught Relief Society today.  My lesson was taken from Elder Oaks April conference talk "Followers of Christ".  What a beautiful talk.  I can't say that I really "learned" anything new, but I definitely found myself thinking about it all.

The whole concept of being in the world and not of the world is not new, but I reflected on things I do in my life and how much they are of the world.  I thought about how I can change some of my habits to reflect a life of a more perfect follower of Christ.

I can really apply myself to scripture study.  I can encourage my children to say their personal prayers.  I can help No.1 write a journal.  I can pray more earnestly.  I can put aside my worldly wants for things that will be eternal.

So, here's to renewed conversion.

Here's to following more exactly.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Held It In

With family here, we have stayed up way too late these last few nights.  And you know what happens when I don't get my sleep:  Bad Mommy Me.

I really struggled to keep my temper today and be forgiving of overly tired boys.  We were all tired, but I'm sure it could have been a much worse day if I had blown up.

But, I kept it together.

Phew.

So, here's to seeing things for what they are.

Here's to holding back.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Cought Fire

My husbands two sisters and I went to the movies today.  We watched Catching Fire.  It was fantastic!  Several of my friends and family members have chosen not to read the Hunger Games series because of the  premise.  I get that.  Who wants to read about kids killing kids in a "game"?  But that is all they know about it.  What they don't understand is that the books are really about the power of one.  How one girl changes an entire nation by first giving hope to others that things can change.

I love the idea that one person can make a difference.  In fact, that was the foundation of my Salutatorian speech in high school.  I really do believe that one can change thousands.  I believe that to be true, but I never want to be that person.

I don't like to stick out in the crowd.  I don't like to be the center of attention.  I don't even like to receive praise for a job well done.  It makes me uncomfortable.  But then I thought, wait a minute, I am making a difference every day I teach, every moment I show I care, every second I love my boys.

My influence is real, so it had better be positive.  My impact is powerful, so it better be in the right direction.  My love is strong, so it better be lasting.

So, here's to making a difference.

Here's to positive influence.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was Gluttonous

Happy Thanksgiving!

My in-laws are in town, my sister-in-law is here too, and we are all eating at another s-i-l's home along with a b-i-l and some family friends (yes, 3 of the 4 children from my husbands family live right by me - side note:  we were here first).

I was charged with mashed potatoes, rolls, green salad, and cranberry sauce (No.1 asked for it - and he was the only one with some on his plate).  I made 10lbs of potatoes, 98 crescent rolls, a huge bowl of salad, and one bag of cranberries.  I was told to make a lot because there was going to be a lot of people.

I came home with at least 6lbs of potatoes, 30 rolls (they really were a hit), almost all the salad, and all but 2T of cranberry sauce.

When I look at all that food that came home I wondered why I worked so hard to make so much, but then I thought about how peaceful it was this morning to bake and cook quietly in my kitchen while the boys played upstairs.  I thought of how blessed I am to be able to afford the food I prepared.  I thought about how lucky I was to be born to a wonderful mother who taught me my way around the kitchen (although I'm the not greatest cook, I can follow a recipe like nobodies business!).

So, although I did not gouge myself out on turkey, stuffing, beans, gravy, potatoes, salad, rolls, sour kraut, pies, jello salad, ham and all the other things that way outnumbered the guest, I did find my self a bit gluttonous with blessings.

So, here's to wonderful food.

Here's to thanksgiving.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Saw Bravery

No.1 has had a loose tooth since, well, who knows when.  His teeth get loose, then take F-O-R-E-V-E-R to fall out.  For example, his first tooth was loose in November and he didn't lose it until May!

Today, after judging it was loose enough to try tying a string to it, No.1 said he was ready to give it a try.  He originally wanted to try the door slam method, but then I had an idea.  We tied a stack of 7 hardbound books to the loose end of the dental floss.  I handed him the stack of books and, while filming the event, encouraged him to drop the books.

A few times he hesitated.  I could tell he wanted to go through with it, but he was nervous.  I told him that if he really wanted to do it to just count to 3 and drop the books.  He took a breath, then 1 - 2 - 3, the books were down and his first upper central incisor was out!

We laughed, he ate some ice cream, we put the tooth in his monster tooth pillow, and the tooth fairy delivered a gold dollar.

As I reflect on those three quick seconds, I can see how No.1 took charge, took responsibility, and took courage.  He was in control and followed through with his goal.  Although I may be stubborn and determined, I'm not always courageous.  I don't always possess that mental strength to persevere.  Sure, it was just a tooth, but No.1 was so nervous and despite his nerves, he followed through.

So, here's to courageous perseverance.

Here's to lessons from 6-year olds.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was Nervous

No.1 had a little classroom play on Thanksgiving today.  He has been practicing his lines for a week and has them down pat, but as I stood in the back of the classroom this afternoon filming his performance, I couldn't help but be nervous for my little man.  I want him to succeed.  I want him to have confidence.  I want him to feel proud of the work he has done.

When it was his turn, No.1 lowered his visual aides (which heretofore had been up over his mouth), took a deep breath, looked at me for a split second, then, to the audience, delivered his lines flawlessly.

You would have thought he had just won gold at the Olympics for the joy I felt inside.  He had succeeded!  He performed with confidence.  He was proud of himself.

So, here's to great performances.

Here's to hard work.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was Glad to Have a Reader

Monday's are my day to go in and help out in No.1's classroom.  I file papers, run copies, you know, the works.  Because the students have a short week (off Wed-Fri), I had very little to do, so I asked how I could be of more help since I had the time.  The teacher pointed out a student who has pretty much been put in his own reading group because he is so far behind all the others.  She asked that he read to me.

I pulled up a tiny chair next to his desk and he began to read aloud.  He loves to read, but struggles terribly.  Simple words like "tan" and "nab" were not in his regular vocabulary.  He had difficulty sounding out even the simplest of sight words like "and" and "has".  He made his way through two short book (the little one line, four words per sentence, I-can-learn-to-read books).

When he was finished, I tested his comprehension.  I had been doing it a bit throughout the books, but wanted to see how long he could remember.  He failed.  Bless his heart, the child has not reading comprehension.

I am sure he will catch on (apparently, according to the teacher, he spent pretty much all of kindergarten isolated from peers due to behavior - which I don't see at all now), but what a ladder he has to climb!  It really made me grateful for No.1 and not only his ability for, but love of reading.  He reads the Scripture Readers each night, he reads chapter books at school and home, he reads about things, he reads to No.2.  What a blessing it is to have a good reader.

So, here's to literacy.

Here's to instilling it in our children.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was Edified

Every Sunday I partake of the sacrament.  I take the bread and the water in remembrance ofthe Savior's atoning sacrifice.   However, I don't always get, no, make the chance to ponder and reflect on this sacred ordinance.   I am usually trying to help No.1 and No.2 stay quiet.  I read softly articles from the Friend magazine,  I show tyem pictures of Christ, I keep them from kicking each other.   I rarely think about what the sacrament means to me.

Today, No.2 has a headache (we think, I mean he's 2, how much can he communicate beside "owie, head"?) and No.1 has digestion issues (ie. diarrhea), so I was alone at church.  I was alone during the sacrament.  I was alone to partake of the bread and drink the water.  I was alone to ponder.

As the cool water flowed down my throat, I distinctly felt the meaning of the sacred sacrament.   I felt the prompting to now go and do better this week.  Thoughts came to my mind to go forth and be more patient, be less contentious, be more loving, be less nagging, be more charitable,  be less judgemental.

So, here's to feeling renewed.

Here's to trying again.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Created a Baker

I was running a little late getting dinner ready today.  We had guests coming at 5 and it was 4:30.  I asked No.1 to come help me in the kitchen.  I made dinner while he made brownies.

I don't know what came over me to allow him to do this, let alone assign him the task, but I'm glad I did.  I gave him instructions on where to find the mix, got the Pyrex, ingredients, and measuring cup out for him, but other than that he was on his own.  He read the instructions and followed them beautifully.  He made the brownies all by himself.  I was there to answer questions and hold the bowl when he scooped the batter into his generously greased dish.  Although he didn't say, I could see the pride on his face.

When the guests came, he announced in a matter-of-fact way that he had made the brownies.

So, here's to exploration in the culinary arts.

Here's to being there for back-up and aide.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Evaluated My Ideals

My husband says I have an iron will.  That's not always a good thing.  I do things like withhold bathroom privileges from myself until all the floors are clean or go hungry until the dishes are done and laundry folded.  Today, I gave up sleep to finish a video project.

After the boys were asleep, I set up the video camera, recorded a piano solo, uploaded it to the computer, searched for the perfect images to accompany the song, compiled it all together in Pinnacle, and got it ready to upload.  The project took me about 4.5 hours.  It was 2:45am by the time I was done (I'm altering the date of this post to reflect the day I actually started the project).

I have to go to a dress rehearsal, accompany a choir, and sing in another tomorrow morning at 8:30am.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Still, it feels good to have it done.

I hope that my boys see my dedication to work before play.  It is a great philosophy to live by in to create order and balance in life.  However, I also want them to see the times I set that ideal aside and just have spontaneous fun with them.  Put the dish cloth down and play Lego's.  Hang the broom up to read train books.  Leave the clothes in the dryer to race cars.

Work is important, but so is fun.

I need to redirect my self-discipline sometimes to what is most important.  Maybe it is Lego's.  The dishes can wait a while; this window of time with my son won't wait.

So, here's to the idea of ideals.

Here's to will-power.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Got Advice in the Library

When No.1 comes home from school some times and talks to me about different kids ("Billy kicked me during recess", "Eve keeps talking to me during lunch and I can't eat", "Frank doesn't pay attention in class and it bothers me", etc), I often have advice for him ("Ask Billy not to kick and let him know that if he does it again you will have to let the teacher know", "Tell Eve you are hungry and although you are interested to hear what she has to say it is time to eat", "Be a good example to Frank; show him what good listening looks like", etc).

Today I got a little more advice to serve.

Our Relief Society went to our new library for a tour and to help out.

One of my former students was our guide.  She did a lovely job and I'd like to think that her beginnings in my class had something to do with her public speaking abilities :)

After the short tour, we were led to the back rooms where projects awaited us.  Cutting, pasting, tracing...the works (felt like kindergarten).  Another sister and I cataloged new books.  She put the bar codes on the back, and I put the clear sticker on top.  We made a good team.

Funny thing is that this woman is not one of my best friends, but I enjoyed her company as we worked in tandem.  It was nice to just chat.  No committed conversations, but pleasant chatter.

When No.1 has issues with working with non-friend-friends, I will now have some more advice to give:  hey, you don't have to be the best of friends to work well together to get a job done.  And I can give that advice having lived it.  This, of course, was not the first time I've lived this advice, but now that I've put words to it, I'll be better prepared for when "Caron has to be my partner and I'm not sure I even like her" comes up.

So, here's to good advice.

Here's to being ready.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Got a Lump

I belong to a community choir.  We perform mostly sacred works, but the occasional PDQ Bach is thrown in.  This season we will be singing one of my all time favorite songs from my youth:  "Where Love Is".

Tonight was rehearsal.  Our concert is Sunday.  We ran through "Where Love Is" first.

I stand right to the right of the director.  She likes to look at me and smile.  Tonight, as we sang this beautiful number I got a little choked up.  I hoped she wouldn't look at me and smile.  She didn't.

I get embarrassed when I get emotional.  I guess that means I get embarrassed when I get embarrassed, too.  Anyway, I digress.  I was just touched by the lyrics.  They put a lump in my throat.

I also wondered if God is in our home.  The lyrics are "Where love is, there God is also."  I hope people feel love in my home and in turn feel the presence of God.  I especially hope my children feel it.

So, here's to inviting love.

Here's to little lumps.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

Where love is, there God is also.
Where love is, we want to be.
Guide us, his truths to follow;
Help us obey him faithfully.

Where love is, there God is also.
We think of him rev’rently.
Teach us to pray, to talk with him above
And know that he will guide us with his love.

The comfort of loving arms around us,
A song that makes us want to sing,
The happiness we feel when love has found us,
’Tis love we get when love we bring.

Where love is, there God is also.
And with him we want to be.
Show us the way and guide us tenderly
That we may dwell with him eternally.

The Day I Just Kept Going

You know that pink Energizer bunny?  Well, I gave him a run for his money today.  I have been wiped out, physically exhausted these last few days because I've been staying up crocheting gifts.  I finished No.1 and No.2's Christmas tree ornaments and am currently feverishly working on washcloths for friends and family.  It's a lot of work and late nights, but it will be worth it, I hope (I made homemade gifts last year - picture block puzzles specific for each family, and one family member called me cheap - it hurt, still does).

Anyway, despite my late hours, I still have to be Mommy.

So, even though I wanted to pull the covers up and sleep 'til noon, I put on a bright face and went to work - lunch packed, breakfast made, kids clothed, teeth brushed, bed made (oh, wait, I didn't actually get that done), school drop off, car inspected, washcloth crocheted, errands run, homework monitored, papers signed, dinner fixed, dishes done, piano practiced, pajamas done, teeth brushed, prayers said, scriptures read, scrapbook done, papers filed, plus all the stuff in between.  And through it all, I'm proud to say, I kept my cool and by about lunchtime I didn't have to put on a bright face, it was there all by itself.  I was a good mom today behavior wise.  And do you know why?  Because I chose to be.

I learned that even though I could blame poor behavior on lack of sleep, the choice was really mine.  I learned that even though I might feel spent, there is still more I can get out of myself if I make my mind up to do so.  I learned that being the Enegrizer Bunny might not be the best way to spend a day, but if it needs to be done, I can do it with a happy attitude.

So, here's to faking it til you make it.

Here's to making good choices.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Made It Up as I Went Along

It's Monday.  Family Home Evening.  I had planned Saturday that we would make caramel apples for the activity and treat, so that was ready.  What wasn't ready was a lesson.  I pretty much always have that planned out and ready to go at least before dinner on Monday nights.  After all, kids can smell when you're going off the cuff and totally run wild with it.  So, I'm usually prepared.  But today I wasn't.  Luckily the lesson just happened.

The apples would need to be chilled before we could eat them.  I decided it would be better if we made the apples before FHE, set them in the fridge during, and eat after. So, I made the caramel and called the boys down when it was ready.

No one came.

I pulled the bowl off the stove and dipped my own apple - for an example, you know - all the while calling for the boys to come down and join me.

Still, no one came.

Now, I'm not a perfect candy maker, but I know that once the caramel is ready, it is ready and the peak will never come again, but I had to put it back on the make-shift double boiler and go get the boys.  I stood at the bottom of the stairs and literally screamed (I'm sure the neighbors heard, really).  Finally, my husband said, "What?"  A sign of life.

The boys came down, we said a prayer then started with the not-so-prime caramel again.  It worked pretty well on No.1's, ok on No.2's, and not so much on my husbands.  No.1 said mine looked so nice and smooth.

*Ding* Teaching Opportunity:

Instantly I knew what our lesson was to be on.  Here's how it went:

Me:  No.1, did you hear me call you the first time?

No.1:  No.

M:  Did you hear me call you a second time to come make the apples?

1: No.

M:  Why couldn't you hear me?

1:  Because the computer's (he was playing Minecraft with Daddy) volume was all the way up.

M:  Oh, so you couldn't hear me because other things were blocking my voice?

1:  Yes.

M:  Sometimes the Holy Ghost wants to talk to us and we can't hear because other things are blocking him like bad choices we make.  Because you didn't hear me calling you the first time, the caramel wasn't as good when you finally came downstairs.  When we can't hear the Holy Ghost, we miss out on the best things.

Or at least it went something like that.  But no worries, it all made sense.

So, here's to impromtu lessons lead by the Spirit.

Here's to making connections.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.





PS.  The apples all tasted great!

The Day I Scratched Fingers

It think we really messed up No.2's ability to sleep on his own since we kept him in our room until he was about 7-months old.  We were finishing the basement and then moved our make-shift family room down there, put No.1 in the old make-shift family room, and gave No.1 No.2's old room.  Ever since then, he's not been that great about putting himself to sleep.

We've tried loads of methods - the no cry, the cry it out, the keep-him-up-until-he-passes-out.  My favorite and what worked with No.1 was the no cry.  Just rock them, sing to them, soothe them until they start to fade, then put them down.  It worked wonderfully for No.1.  No.2?  Notsomuch.  We reversed the lock on No.2's door and tried the cry it out.  He just cried and when he finally passed out, it was after he'd trashed his room and curled up right behind the door.  And the keep-him-up-until-he-passes-out is just ridiculous.

The one thing that has always worked was lying him in bed and stroking his hair until he fell asleep.  This  resulted in a peaceful night's rest, until he woke up and couldn't stroke his own hair to self-soothe himself back to sleep so he'd end up in our bed.  So, I started to ween.  I moved from his hair to his arm. I'd softly rub his arm until he fell asleep.  Several hours later, he'd be in our bed. Finally, I moved to only stroking his hand (he calls is "skach bing-guh's" (scratch fingers)).  My goal it to eventually rid him of his dependance on me and all will be right with the night-time world.

For the last couple weeks, I've tried my best to just put No.2 down and walk away.  Sometimes I would have to resort to the Super Nanny technique and walk him back to his bed several times, but it was working.

Then tonight, No.2 asked, "Skach bing-guh's?"  I said, "No, I have to go work."  Then I imediately felt guilty.  The "work" I had to do was not pressing.  It was actually coming to the computer to type up today's blog post.  What would be better?  Sitting at my computer for 30-minutes trying to think of something to write about that had an impact on my mothering or to break the rules I've set for myself regarding No.2's bedtime routine and think about my post there?

I bent over his bed, took his fingers in mine, and began to softly brush them with my thumb.  His skin is so soft.  His little face so cherubic in the light of his Cloud B Turtle star light.  His gentle grasp of my finger so tender and sweet.  I'm glad I broke my rule.  I was able to cherish a moment and make a memory.

Sure, I might have set him back a few days on his road to self-sleep, but it was worth it.

Besides, I got a pretty good blog post out of it all.

So, here's to bending rules.

Here's to tiny fingers.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Remembered to Laugh

Sometimes I go through the day like a robot checking things off my mental lists.  Who am I kidding, sometimes?  Most-times.  I don't stop and smell the roses, or in my home life, stop and truly enjoy my children.

I meet their physical needs all the time, but I fail terribly on their emotional needs more than I'd care to admit.  Sometimes, they're robots too.

But today, while I was doing laundry and No.2 was playing on the floor around me, I stopped and watched.  This is one funny kid.  He has a great imagination for a 2yo and a sense of humor to rival the greatest comedians of the world.

I laughed as he danced with a stuffed animal.  I laughed as I saw him crash his trains then say, "Uh-oh!  Caoofoow (careful)!"  I laughed when I tickled him until a steady stream of drool poured from his lips.  I just laughed.  And it made me happy.  And it made him happy.

So, here's to taking time to laugh.

Here's to gut giggles.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Baked

I don't bake a lot.  Sure, I love to make bread and pastries and cookies, but we just don't eat it fast enough to really make it worth my time.  But today, it was all worth my time.

You see, I received an e-mail from our Stake Relief Society president who informed me of an opportunity to serve:  Make cookies for the Blue Star Mothers to ship to the soldiers.  So, I invited some friends over to help me bake.  I made the dough the night before and had one kind all done (7 1/2 dozen lone ranger cookies) by the time my friends started to show up.

With their help, we were able to bake a full batch of snickerdoodles (I scooped, they rolled) and a load of sugar cookies (I cut, they decorated).  It took a little over 2-hours and we were able to make at least 15-dozen cookies.  I also had a couple friends drop off cookies they had made.  I'd say we easily totaled 30-dozen cookies plus candied popcorn.

I was so glad I was able to bake - with friends - and send everything away (each child did pick one sugar cookie).  I am grateful for friends to spend time with.  I am grateful for men and women who strengthen our country.  I am grateful for the chance to teach my children about service (when No.1 came home he wanted a cookie; I simply told him they were for the soldiers, but he could have the sugar cookie I kept out for him;  that was good enough for him).

So, here's to putting my oven to good use.

Here's to serving with friends.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Had No Plans

I was so good all year making meal plans, keeping up with the family calendar, just being on top of it all, but at this point I feel so overwhelmed with Thanksgiving, No.1's birthday, Advent, and Christmas planning that I just needed a day of...well...whatever.  I needed a break.

So, I slept in a little later.  My husband took No.1 to school.  And No.2 and I did whatever all day.  I don't think I got dressed until it was time to No.1 up from school!

We have a pretty vigorous schedules at times in our house with piano, soccer (thankfully that's over), karate, school, homework, housework, it just never seems to stop.  That's why I think today was a good idea.  It helped me recharge my battery.  I still got laundry done, dinner on the table (well, it was hotdogs - but broiled, not boiled), and my house was tidy and vacuumed, but I didn't feel the pressure to get it all done, I just did what I wanted to.  I even wrapped all the Christmas and birthday presents I have so far (hopefully I'll be done with that soon).

So, here's to not following a plan every once in a while.

Here's to going with the flow.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Took a Drive

No. 2 took hold of my retainer and cracked it within seconds.  "Boke, Mama.  See?  Boke."  AHHHHHHH!  It literally took maybe 3-seconds!  So, today, No.2 and I took a drive to my orthodontist 2 hours away to get a new one made.

I was glad for the time I had to spend with No.2 all alone, just wandering, doing Christmas shopping while waiting for the retainer to be made.  I knew he was tired, but he was still a good boy.

Once my retainer was ready, we headed back home.  No.2 fell asleep (it was almost 2 hours past his nap time) and I drove in relative silence all the way home.

That peaceful quietness allowed me to think about my boys and what a blessing they are to me.  I hear/read/watch stories of tragedy and wonder how I could ever survive if I was to ever lose one of my boys, or, heaven forbid, both.  I don't think I'd be able to go on.  I feel like all the love I have is in those two sweet boys, and who can live without love?  Sure, I have my other family, and I know they'd pull me through, but even in just thinking about it and trying to sympathize with those families who have experienced it, I don't think I could ever be as strong as them.

Sort of a morbid train of thought on my ride home, but it really made me reflect on how special my sons are to me and allowed me to make resolutions to make sure they each know how much I do love them each day and not just by word, but by deed.

So, here's to quite, reflective road trips.

Here's to not loving only by word.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Stated the Facts

Today I realized that if I just say it as it is, there is less conflict. 
For instance:  No.1 decided to spit his toothpaste all over the sink.  I told him, "You just earned the right to clean my bathroom." He looked at me with complete understanding and without argument.
For another instance:  No.2, who has a tendancy to be too self-reliant, climbed on the counter to get a cereal bowl out of the cabinet, got ahold of one of my Pfaltzgraff ceramic bowls, and broke it.  "You may not get on the counter." No.2 was sad, but didn't protest.
I found that not only does stating things factually help my children to not throw fits, it helps me, too.  I discovered that if I take a breath, say my fact, and not dwell on it, I keep my cool.
So, here's to win-win.
Here's to the facts.
And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Taught Myself

FHE Treat

It is Monday.  Monday in our home means Family Home Evening.  That is a night once a week where we put aside all distractions and focus on a spiritual lesson we can all learn from.  Of course, with two younger children, most of the lessons are "dumbed-down", but their messages are clear.

Tonight, however, I shared a lesson about a turkey who loses his temper and turns colors: red with anger, purple with passion, green with envy, and so on until he turns white when he learns to control his temper and decides it is he who is in charge of his emotions.  I had colored feathers cut out and the boys glued corresponding colors on a turkey cut-out I made as the story was told.  The boys, well, lets be real, No.1 seemed to enjoy the lesson, but I think I was the one who learned the most.

I am in control of myself.  I might often say, "You're beginning to irritate me" or "You are on my last nerve" or "You are going to make me lose my temper," but it's ME and only ME who can decide whether to lose it or not.  After that lesson, I pray that I can be a good example of showing responsibility for my own temper and keep it in check.

So, here's to taking my own medicine.

Here's to being humbled.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Felt Myself Slipping

I probably stayed up way too late last night, but I am old enough to control my temper, but I felt it slipping away from me today.

I hate getting frustrated before going to church.  It really makes it hard to feel the Spirit.  So, as I felt my blood begin to boil because No.1 and No.2 were not cooperating, I took a breath and calmed down.  That was good.

Later, though, after church it seemed as though my boiling point dropped and the slightest thing turned me into a yelling, impatient mother.  I didn't scream or throw a fit at any time, but I still felt a bit out of control.  I felt myself slipping back.

I'm planning on an earlier bedtime tonight.

So, here's to starting fresh, again.

Here's to stepping forward.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Will Remember

I have to give a talk tomorrow in church on "Deepening your Conversion".  I am referencing a conference talk given by Oscarson (Gen. YW Pres) and a couple other talks and quotes, but I wanted to share my mom's conversion story, so I called her to make sure I had it straight.

Three years after her father passed away, my mom and her mom and little brother moved from Montana to Seattle.  An LDS family helped them move and they introduced my mom to some girls who were also LDS.  My mom came from a good Catholic home, but when invited to mutual by these girls, my mom said yes.  She was 15-years old.

My mom continued to attend mutual.  She went to girls camp.  She participated in what is now Personal Progress and qualified for all the awards.  She went on temple to trips from Seattle to Oakland, CA even though she was not able to go inside.  She even saved her money all summer and paid for a year of 5am early-morning seminary (you use to have to pay for seminary).  She said that that year in seminary was her most successful school year; she had the best grades ever.  My grandma would not allow her to attend another year of waking-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-church-school-before-school classes, so my mom gave the money she saved to another student who could not afford it.  Still, my grandma would not allow her to be baptized.

My mom turned 18 on December 22, 1969.  7 days later she was baptized.  Her mother would not attend the baptism.

I asked if there was a turning point, a time when she really had confirmation that this gospel was true.  She said one night she was reading the Book of Mormon, she hadn't even gotten to Moroni's promise, about when Alma was crying, "Oh, that I were an angel." She stopped and thought, "Is this real? Did this really happen?  Or is this just a good story?"  She prayed to Heavenly Father and asked him those questions.  She said that she was immediately filled with the Holy Ghost and felt a peace and love that she had never before felt.  It was then that she knew this gospel was more than mutual and girls camp, this gospel was true.

Although she didn't know it, I was in tears as she shared her conversion story with me.  I love to hear my mom bare her testimony.  It strengthens mine.  I think that if she could do what she did without any familial support, I can do great things too.

We said our goodbyes and I finished writing my talk.  It is now as I reflect on our conversation that I want to be able to tell my children my conversion story.  Sure, I was born into the church, but I want to tell them the moment I knew it was all true.  I do have a story.  It's not as great as my mom's, but I do have one nonetheless.  I want to share my testimony with my children.  I want my testimony to strengthen theirs.  And I want their conversion stories to be shared with their children one day.

So, here's to testimony.

Here's to sharing it.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Played Catch-Up

After dropping No.1 off at school (he was finally over the stomach flu that started Saturday night), I came home, made No.2 breakfast, cleaned up breakfast, set him up to play, and headed to the office to go through pictures and organize thoughts about them for the last month.  I scrapbook and blog and I do it because a) I like it and 1) I want my children to have something from their lives and our own personal family history to share with their families one day.

It took me nearly 3 hours.  But it's done.  And I feel a bit of relief.  (I don't like getting behind, I stress about it, then it takes even longer to get caught up.)

So, here's to keeping memories.

Here's to reflections.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Kept Going

This morning I awoke with an unwanted companion: a headache.  I hate waking up with a headache, it really ruins your whole day.

I schluffed around for about 2 hours, meeting only the basic needs of my children (ie. I gave them food, who cares if they're dressed or not) until I decided that this was ridiculous. I didn't want to take medicine because I felt nauseous already (at first I thought No.1 had shared his virus, but now I think it's my new fish oils from Target), so I decided to do something to take my mind off of the pain in my brain.

I got the boys dressed and we went outside.  No.1 had been spending entirely too much time on Minecraft since being home sick (he goes back to school tomorrow) and No.2 was antsy (what's new) and I needed some fresh air.  As I mowed the lawn, I watched the boys play together.  They are such good boys and get along well for the most part.

I'm glad that I didn't just mope in bed all day.  I know people who do/would.  I'm glad I have the willpower to get up and go even when I feel like crud.  I am so grateful for good boys who seem to sense when I'm not feeling so hot and automatically turn on their best behavior.

So, here's to mind over matter.

Here's to intuitive children.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Thought I Was Done

There are two chores I hate above all others:  putting dishes away and putting laundry away.  I actually enjoy washing dishes (our dishwasher has been broken for over a year) and even folding clothes.  I just hate putting them away.  One day I timed it and it only took 3 minutes to put my laundry away, so I don't know why I hate it so much.  I just do.

With that said, you can imagine my joy as I washed and put away my last dish today and caught up on all my laundry.  Ahhh.  I can finally rest.

Oh, wait.  We still had meals to eat and clothes we were wearing.  My dishes and laundry will never be done.  For the rest of my life, I will always have dishes to wash and clothes to launder.  My work will never be done.

It's not just dishes and laundry that will never be done.  I will forever be a mother.  That is a job that will never end.  And, unlike putting away bowls and pants, I'm thrilled about that.  I sometimes try to imagine my boys all grown up.  I can't.  I really can't.  I don't know why.  I can see myself in 10 years (probably because I've looked the same since I was 2), but I have no idea what my boys will look like.  I try to imagine their personalities and mannerisms.  But I can't.  They change so much there's no telling what they will be like.  I can hope they will be happy, polite, courteous, patient, academic, athletic, self-motivated, confident, and all the other things parents hope for their children, but I can't say for sure how they will be.  I just hope that they turn out they way they were meant to.  Each boy has his own individual eternal purpose here on earth and I pray that as I do my work, I can help them reach their potential.

I see my mother-in-law still parenting her son (not in a weird over-protective-smothering-must-see-Dr.-Phil kind of way, but in a completely-appropriate-caring-advice-giving-when-asked sort of way).  She is a good example to me of how a mother's work is never done.  I can see (and have recently) her get frustrated with some of the decisions her children make, just like I do with my little men.  I see her teach her children by example even now, just like I do with my guys.  I see her offer council when needed, just as I do now.

Even though I cannot imagine my boys all grown-up, I am looking forward to those days, but please don't get here too soon.

So, here's to motherhood.

Here's to working from son up to son down.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Spent More Than I Planned

Today was election day so the schools were closed to be used as poling places.  I had planned a month ago to take the boys on an outing to DC today, but then the government shut down, but then it re-opened, but then No.1 got sick, but then No.1 felt better, so we went!

I had planned on taking the train.  I have never been on a train, neither have the boys (with the exception of amusement park trains and the subway).  Both boys are enamored by trains (well, No.1 says he's not really into them anymore, but he still plays with Thomas), so I thought it would be a special treat.

We walked up to the platform and I purchases a two ride ticket from the machine, activating one ride immediately.  There was a couple on the far side of the track and a single lady on our side.  I asked the lady if she was familiar with the system.  She wasn't.  So, I called the train people on my cell (there are no workers at the train station, everything is electronic) to ask what side of the track I had to be on to go to DC.  The lady asked when I was planning on traveling.

"Um, right now."

"Oh, well, we stopped running our trains at 7:40."

"Well, the website said there are still two more trains.  One at 8:40 and one at 9:02."

"Those are Amtrak trains we have a deal with for later commuters, but you have to have a 10-trip pass then upgrade a $3.00 ticket to ride Amtrak."

"But I just purchased a two-ride pass and activated it."

"You can get that refunded.  But you might have to purchase a ticket for your children.  They can ride our trains for free under 10, but Amtrak charges for 2 and older."

(In tears now) "So, I'd have to purchase Amtrak tickets for my boys?  They can't ride with one of your tickets and the $3 upgrade?"

"I don't know what Amtrak's rules are regarding that, but I think you'll have to purchase tickets."

"Ok, well, thanks."

I was so upset.  I had planned this for, like I said, a month.  I researched it.  I talked to someone on the phone about the train runs.  I had packed a daypack.  I was ready.  The boys were excited.  And now my plan was falling apart all because the train's website said nothing about partnering with Amtrak during those runs (or at least it is unclear because I still can't find reference to such).

I couldn't just go home.  So, I put my $22.20 2-ride pass in my wallet, pulled out my card, and purchased a $101 10-ride pass.  I figured it was good for a year and we'd most likely go again.  I had planned on taking the train because it would be cheaper than driving half way up, parking in a garage, and buying subway passes.  It turned out to cost way more.  But some things are worth it.  Oh, and it turned out I didn't need to buy tickets for the boys or even upgrades for them (another more traveled passenger came to my aid with that info).

I could have just gone home and we could have taken the trip another day, but I really felt like today was the day to do it.  Turned out to be perfect.

We pulled into Union Station and our DC adventure began.  The Postal Museum was right there by the station and the boys had fun learning about the Pony Express, train mail cars, the Inverted Jenny, and creating their own stamps.  We walked to lunch at a great Mexican place a gentleman on the train recommended.  Then we headed to The Mall and hit up the Native American museum (they have a great kids section, too bad the igloo building was closed) then the American History museum.  We walked through the sculpture garden and bought No.1 a Washington DC Minecraft shirt from a street vender then headed home (on the commuter train, this time).

Sometimes plans don't go as planned, sometimes we end up spending more than we planned, sometimes it's all worth it.

So, here's to changing plans.

Here's to fun times.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Sacrificed My Fingers

Well, it should really be The Night I..., but I have a theme going on here, so we'll just go with it.

Anyway, tonight I threaded a hooked needle and went to town sewing together parts of a Sonic the Hedgehog I crocheted for No.1's birthday next month.

Holy Cow!  I never knew you could get nerve damage from stitching.  My fingers were either numb or tingling by the time I was done.  But, it'll all be worth it.

When I made a train for No.2, No.1 asked when I was going to make him something (let it be known that I have in the past crocheted a blanket and two Minecraft characters for him).  I get it, though.  He can see the time I put in to my creations and he wants to feel like he's worth some of that time.  I hope he's thrilled.

So, here's to little surprises.

Here's to lots of time.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Didn't Go to Church

Last night I had every intention of going to church, but then No.1 vomitted.

I am usually the kind of person who goes to church no matter what.  No.1 was born on Monday and I was back to church that Sunday.  I've gone to church with a migraine because I had a duty to fulfill.  I've left my husband at home with a sick child because I had a meeting to attend.  As I write this, I can see how screwey it looks but it worked...for me.

Well, today, I changed that.  It wasn't about me.  No.1 was sick and would need me.  Daddy just wouldn't do.  So, I ran to church early to drop some stuff off, talk to some people about a meeting, and went back home.

No.1 sort of loafed around all day playing Minecraft and spending some time on the pot.  Turned out he didn't really need me to help him wipe his bum or cool his forehead, he just needed me to be there.  He needed me to ask how his tummy was feeling.  He needed me to look at his creations he'd built in the game.  He needed to hear me pray for him.  He needed me. Period.

I am glad that I made the decision to put my church duties aside.  Family should always come first.

So, here's to making family the priority.

Here's to being there.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was So Happy It Was Over

Soccer is done!!!!  Hooray!!!!!!!

Today was the last game of the season and no one could have been happier than me, except maybe No.1.  We now have our Tuesdays and Saturdays back which means more family time, more play time for No.1, more gas in our car.

As I was reflecting on our week, I really noticed that No.1's schedule has more schedule than not and 6-year olds need some free time to just play and explore.  Well, tonight I think he really felt the weight of his rather rigorous schedule lighten.  He played Legos, he ran around outside, he made paper airplanes.  He just seemed more free.  And I loved watching him do whatever.  He was being a kid.  It was refreshing.

Sometimes I make No.1 do things just because I know that it is good for him (clean his room, gather trash, practice piano), and sometimes I make him do things just because I want him to try it out (eat kale, play a new game, practice piano), and sometimes I make him do things because I sort of hope to live vicariously through him (take dance, join gymnastics, practice piano - oh, wait I did that).  Of course, I don't truly want to live vicariously through my child, I'm not a crazy stage mom (dance was really a movement class and the only thing in town offered to tots, gymnastics was because he is a crazy climber and has no fear), but I do sometimes have him do things because I want him to do them.  Still, I need to evaluate every activity I have him involved in and only keep him going if it really is what is best for him.

I don't know that he'll be involved in a team sport in the spring, but he will start swim team at the beginning of summer (he's taken lessons since 2, but needs something to push his development in the water - oh, and he actually loves swimming; it's like play).  I am happy he played soccer.  He learned a lot about being a member of a team, but I'm ok if he never wants to step on a soccer field again :).

So, here's to no more soccer.

Here's to giving things a try.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Was On Call

This morning at 3:58am the cell phone rang.  I always get anxious when someone calls so early (or late).  In the 2.352 seconds it takes to answer the phone, about 26 "worse case scenarios" rush through my mind.  Luckily, this call was a happy call:  my neighbor was in labor and her girls (2 and 4) were coming over.  By 4:10am the dad and midwife had delivered the girls to my basement futon and went back home to help deliver a new baby boy.

This mother is such a wonderful example to me and I felt so blessed to help out during such a beautiful time.  As I have become friends with this mother down the street over the last year (almost exactly), I have marveled at her parenting skills.  She is so calm and patient.  At first she seems like a bit of an introvert, but is really full of life and love.  She is extremely talented and enjoys sharing her gifts with others.  You can just feel the love she has for her husband and children and can't help but be happy and peaceful when you are around her.

It is partially because of this mother that I have really started to examine my own parenting on a daily basis.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to do better each day.  I am grateful for good examples of women around me.

So, here's to new days.

Here's to new and old friends.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Let Him Have a Go

Happy Halloween!  The boys are pirates this year so I transformed our Radio Flyer into a pirate ship with the help of some brown packing paper, tape, temper paint, a broom, a toddler sheet, pvc piping, and a little 2-year old boy.

No.2, half naked due to a pull-up mishap, wanted so much to help paint the faux wood on the packing paper.  He grabbed the paintbrush, opened a little jar of paint, swished it around inside and put the brush to the paper.  I realized that while I was focusing on what I was painting, he had been watching me and learning.

I never taught No.2 how to open paint, I always just put it on the paint pallet and give him the brush.  I never taught him how to paint with sweeping movement, I was fine with his sloppy squiggles and crushed paintbrush bristles.  Today, he learned how to do those things by watching, so I let him have a try at painting some water on the edge of the boat.

I wonder how much my children have learned from just observing me.  Have they learned to speak kind words or gossip about others.  Have they learned how to cheerfully do what is required of me or grumpily put dishes away.  Have they learned how to help others or tactfully come up with excuses.  Unfortunately, I know they have not learned every wonderful thing from me, but I hope they've picked up a few.

So, here's to taking notice.

Here's to teaching better.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.

The Day I Turned 35

If I were pregnant, which I'm not, but would like to be, I'd be considered "Advanced Maternal Age".  35 isn't old, is it?  Although I do have several greys and my joints are not as spry as they once were (although I can still get both feet pretty close to behind my head), I don't particularly feel old.

I have watched programs on Discovery channels about aged parents.  60-year old women having twins and the like.  Now, that's Advanced Maternal Age!

I guess I don't feel my age because I think that people who are in their mid-30's should have more than just 2 kids or their kids should be in middle school.  Because of this misconception, I oftentimes find myself relating to two completely separate decades of people:  I am friends with 20-somethings because we can talk about our children, and I'm friends with 30/40-somethings because we can relate as individuals.  That's not to say these relationships don't sometimes cross, they most certainly do, I just don't know which group I truly fit in with.

I know it's silly thinking I need to fit in with one or the other.  I know I don't.  But I sometimes feel like the go-between.  I feel like a Jack of all trades, master of none.  I'm sure there are reasons for that, some a psychiatrist wouldn't even be able to draw out of me (detour - I am a pretty normal, non-traumatized person), but if I truly think deeply about it, I guess I like it this way;  I get the best of two worlds.

So, here's to getting two for the price of one.

Here's to another year.

And here's to a Better Mommy Me.