It's one of those things you know you should do, but just never get around to. However, I have decided that in order to better myself, I must also better the running of my household.
In the past, No.1 has known what was expected of him. When he was 2 he was thrilled to start feeding the cat and dog. When he was 3.5, he actually asked to add toilet cleaning to his chore list! We used a cute Melissa and Doug responsibility chart that incorporated the use of magnetic happy faces and task bars. But by the time he was 5, in soccer, piano, school, and karate, the idea of chores just seemed too much for me to handle. Not him, me.
Melissa and Doug was pushed to a corner, and although I would periodically ask No.1 to feed the dog or swish the Clorox wand around the toilet bowl, the consistency was gone. The house stayed clean and tidy, I made sure of that. I was doing a service to my family, but I was doing a disservice to my boys in not allowing them to learn that we need to work as a family to keep our home nice so that we all, as a family, can enjoy it.
Flashback two days ago to when I returned from my parenting sabbatical. I asked No.1 to join me in the kitchen. He sat at the bar while I stood on the other side. I asked, "What do you think you can do to help out our family?" His first answer: take out the trash. We agreed that he can gather the trash each Monday and I will take it to the dump Tuesday. He also chose to set and clear the dinner table each night. He has decided that he will practice piano after dinner, do his homework directly after school (no more after school snack), and keep his room clean and read each night.
Now, it may look at first as though all these things were HIS ideas, but in truth, I led him to those decisions. As an educator, you learn how to do those sorts of things. So now No.1 feels empowered just enough to take responsibility for his decisions. It's a fine line I walk allowing my child to feel empowered, but I believe all children should feel that they truly have the right and ability to make decisions. However, as No.1 learned Sunday, every child should also learn that there is someone bigger above them who can shoot those decisions down. Not in a mean way (yes, I'm reading Mean Moms Rule, but I'm not cruel, and besides, that's not really what the book is about), instead, in a way that twists their decisions into something that works for both parent and child.
How do I do that? I'm glad you asked. I will answer with an example:
No.1 decided he only needed to practice piano 3 times a week. Um, no. That's not gonna fly. I told him that he had to do 6, however in the back of my mind, I was ok with 5, but I had an "if" too. He suggested 4 days, I said, "How about 6, but if you pass off all your songs by Friday, you don't have to practice Saturday." And emphatic yes burst from his lips and his head nodded in great excitement. He won by getting a free day from practice, and I won by getting the number of days he needed to practice. See? Nice, huh?
So with all his chores written down and an agreement made, sealed with a hand shake, I set out today to make a reminder (for both of us) of what was now expected of him, and really, what he expected of himself.
I threw in some chores for No.2 as well (feed the animals, brush his teeth - a task he hates, clean up toys, read, put clothes in hamper). I'm not sure he'll be to into moving his magnets over to the "Done" side, but at least I'll know what I need to help him accomplish each day.
So here's to a better run household.
And here's to a Better Mommy Me!
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