Today was day two of our church's General Conference. Yesterday, I listened to a talk about taming your temper. Ironic, I know, as I stormed out of the house just hours later. But I really did ponder the words which had been spoken and decided that today I would tame my temper.
I come from a line of dramatic women (guess I know where No.1 gets it). My red-headed grandmother is extremely outspoken and would often speak harshly to her husband, my gentle grandpa. My red-headed mom was known to beat a wet dishcloth over the edge of the counter in lieu of striking one of us children, that's not to say our fannies didn't ever meet her hand, they did at times, but the temper was the same either way. So it's no wonder I have a temper (what is a wonder is why I don't have red hair).
If you were to meet me out and about, or even get to know me pretty well, you would never suspect the temper that explodes within the walls of my own home. I am pretty good at keeping my cool, but when that last straw is placed on this camels back, watch out!
It's crazy, because every time I throw my grown-up temper tantrum I think afterwards, "I would never treat someone else that way, why my own child?" I teach private music lessons and many times throughout my years of teaching I have had students come unprepared to lessons. I patiently instruct them through the lesson and encourage more effort throughout the next week. In fact, most of the parents who refer me to others say my number one quality is patience! (You'll remember, I use to perform, I can put on a pretty good show apparently.)
So, why can't I show this same patience with my own child?
I've rationalized it with thoughts that I know his potential, what he's capable of, and that I know he's just playing dumb. And playing dumb really gets my goat, so I turn into Mr. Hyde and tear into him.
Well, today, ladies and gentlemen, that changed...at least for today. What is it they say in AA: One day at at time.
I had plenty of opportunity to lace into No.1, and No.2 for that matter today: No.2 bit No.1, No.1 pulled games out of the game closet and spilled some over, No.1 teased No.2, No. 1 and 2 were at times disruptive while I was trying to take notes during conference, No.1 had drawn on the ceiling in the basement. But I didn't. I had made up my mind that I would take a different approach. I decided firm and clear, but NO yelling. And do you know what? It worked.
I took No.2 by both arms so he could be still and look at me as I firmly told him, "No Biting!" and put him in time-out for 2 minutes. He stepped out a few times, I put him back each time, and then it was over after an apology, hug, and kiss for No.1.
I calmly told No.1 that he needed to pick up the games and put them all away. When he protested that it would be too hard, I plainly told him they were children's games and so children were capable of putting them back together. So, he did.
I pulled No.1 aside and told him that his behavior was unacceptable and unkind. He apologized and stopped the teasing.
I payed attention to the boys and their needs/wants ("watch what I can do!") and decided that I could read the transcripts or watch the videos of the conference talks I missed later.
I calmly walked upstairs, wet a Magic Eraser, walked back down, showed No.1 how, and had him clean the ceiling. I also made him clean-up the rest of the basement. It was clean by the time I came home from accompanying a youth choir.
Not once did I raise my voice today in anger, but I did raise my voice in laughter and singing and play.
Today was a good day.
I liked today.
I liked my kids.
And I liked me.
Here's to a Better Mommy Me.
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