My review: I loved this book! She writes like she's blogging (and she does, blog, that is). It was fun to read and the contents was relatable and just plain good advice. Denise Schipani encourages parents to bring their parenting back about 3 decades when parents said no, assigned chores, let their children do what is considered now dangerous things, and let their kids be kids.
My favorite chapter was #8: Slow It Down. Slow It Way Down. No.1 has asked for a tablet for Christmas and/or his birthday (he'll be 7). I immediately said, no; my husband said, let's talk about it. My argument: 7-year old's don't need tablets! My husbands: Kids need to be exposed to such technology so they'll be up with the times. Well, chapter 8 suggests, actually pleads with parents to let the kids be kids. Don't rush them into the world, let them discover it at their own pace. She actually shares a story of two mother's she overheard: One had just purchased her 8yo daughter an iPod Touch (hmmm, could this chapter be any more appropriate for my dilemma?). Schipani silently asks, "What does Halley get next year? A Lexus?" Later in the chapter, she re-references the iPod story and writes, "[The mother] felt it necessary to buy her eight-year-old an iPod Touch, not because the girl had some overachieving, preternaturally advanced affinity for technology, but because the iPod was, well, there (not to mention on sale). What's her rush? What I saw there was a raging case of Jones-keeping-up-itis, don'y you think? That poor woman was racing all over town, trying to get the best deal on an item that her daughter had not asked for, and then spent a good ten minutes nervously justifying her purchase to her stony-faced friend, who was herself more concerned with the peer pressure situation this would stimulate between Little Miss iPod and her own, presumably less electronically endowed, son."
Granted, our son has asked for a tablet, however while watching a commercial for a Leapster Ultra, I asked him if that's what he wanted. Yes, that's what he wanted. Unfortunately, my husband puts forth the argument that he'll outgrow it (his Leapster Explorer games really are too easy for him now, and the Ultra apps don't get much more difficult, so I understand what my husband's getting at). The husband also says, "Besides, all his cousins have them." There's that peer pressure. Funny thing, I thought we had the final say on what our kids do and don't do, not their cousins or their aunts and uncles or even grandparents, for that matter. Anyhow, I still think that No.1 needs to wait to get a tablet; maybe wait until he can buy one himself. He is not responsible enough to handle such an expensive piece of technology, parental controls are not what they need to be on those devises, he doesn't need to sit around playing on a tablet all day (not that I would allow that if he ever had one - or when he finally does buy his own), oh, and he'll only be 7!!!!
So, now I am out to help my husband understand why I stand where I stand regarding the tablet. As it stands now, No.1 is not receiving on because Daddy and Mommy have not seen responsible enough behavior, but I still want my husband to see my side (he doesn't have to agree, but he has to at least see). Just because he wants it, doesn't mean he needs or gets it. Just because we live in a tech-savvy world, we don't need to spoil our children with gadgets. Just because his cousins his age have tablets, well, if your best friend jumped off a cliff...
Another great point Schipani makes is that we try too hard to childproof the world. We try to make the world ready for our kids instead of our kids ready for the world. She writes about Princess Dianna and her gargantuan wedding dress that required a small army of people to carry her train, drape it perfectly on the cathedral steps, and figure out how to get it into the fairy tale carriage after the ceremony. Then she shares the metaphor of all of us as "overworked bridesmaids, shuttling around in service to our kids (the brides in this metaphore) in giant dresses (the world we're piling onto them).
It's a world our kids are ultimately going to be as unready and unsuited for as poor Diana was; though she made a good show of it for a long time, she was never quite able to hold up under the weight, first of the dress and tehn of the expectations.
In a similar way...we try - earnestly and lovingly but wrongheadedly - to hold up and smooth out the world around our kids and before our kids, like the train on that dress or the red carpet the royal bride treads upon, making everything friendly, safe, unchallenging, and unruffled for them."
I saw in myself how I try to childproof the world for my children. Of course, I have locks on drawers and cabinets, but that's ok (we've already called Poison Control at least three times for No.2); it's the hovering I find myself doing from time to time. I make sure No.1 gets him homework done right. When alone at the park, I stay right on No.2 to make sure he's safe (I guess I assume that when other kids are around, they'll watch out for each other). I often do things for my kids because, number one, it's just easier for me to do it, and, number two, because I'm not sure they could handle it. I am, however, getting better and I must say that in the last year or so I've relaxed a lot and my helicopter parenting is more of a glider parenting style - I'm there if my kids need me, but, for the most part, I let them try on their own (another chapter: Fail Your Child A Little Bit Every Day), and allow them to learn from their own experiences.
I can't say I learned a whole lot about how to parent from this book, but it made me think about how I do parent. I think Denise Schipani and I would get along just fine.
Here's to Denise Schipani and her great insights.
Here's to being more reflective of my own parenting style and fixing what needs improving.
And here's to a Better Mommy Me.
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